my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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