Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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