I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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