my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
