I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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