I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
