it was like his penis was on wheels.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
