I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
