Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
