walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
