The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
