No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
