They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
