Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize