Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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