dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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