one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
