My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
