party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So vagazzling was a success
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize