Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
