then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
