OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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