Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
we should paint friendship bongs
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