We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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