Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
