Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
