I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
