i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
