Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
