Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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