Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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