sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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