We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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