R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
