i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize