so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
