I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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