Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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