Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
