i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
