Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
