the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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