He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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