my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
