How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
