He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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