So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
