i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
