apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
