Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sober January is a disaster.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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