were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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