just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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