If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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