i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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