Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
