So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
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I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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