I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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