Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
