Got a toothbrush?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
