I hate your face
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i barfeds in our rink
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Im part way to drunk.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
