Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
