i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
