your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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