i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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