she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
