so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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