I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
