What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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